Jamie shares the idea that authenticity, while important, is not sufficient on its own in work and life. He explores the influence of cultural perspectives on authenticity, the importance of balancing self-expression with awareness of others and the potential for personal growth when we adapt thoughtfully.
I remember a very awkward conversation I once had in a workshop.
One participant, with a very heavy Scouse accent, was talking about how they try to be authentic by embracing their accent and not feeling ashamed of it. They said that when they give presentations, they don’t take offence if their audience can’t understand them, they just lean into their accent and plough on through.
I challenged them on that:
“What use is authenticity if your audience can’t understand you?”
Silence.
Now, I’m not here to bash authenticity. Authenticity is important. We should all find the belief within ourselves that we have value to offer to the world, that we are welcome as we are, and that we belong.
And if you’ve lived long enough, you know the consequences of not being authentic. Spend too many years going against what your gut is screaming at you, masking too many parts of yourself to fit in, doing things that go against your moral judgement. Not only will it feel damn awful, you will burn out.
We need to find harmony between our true nature and our work and life.
But too frequently when I hear talk of authenticity, I hear a very rigid framing. It goes something like this:
“I am who I am, so I should feel proud of that and people should accept me.”
In my opinion, this way of thinking is a luxury reserved for those in positions of power. Those with less power usually don’t have that luxury.
But this kind of thinking about authenticity is also too small. We need to think bigger.
I have come to think of authenticity differently: Bringing the best of yourself to the situation at hand.
And there are three reasons I believe this.
Bringing Authenticity to the Situation at Hand
1. It’s Not All About You
If you resonate more with the “I am who I am” approach to authenticity, chances are you come from a Western country.
Western cultures tend to be what researchers call “loose”, in contrast to “tight” cultures. A tight culture is one in which social norms are well established, and any deviance from those norms is mocked, shamed, or even punished until the individual conforms. We tend to think of these cultures as more “traditional”.
Western cultures tend to be much looser. We do not have such strictly defined social norms (even though they still exist to a degree), and there is far more room for deviance. With all that extra room comes more individual thinking, more introspection, more independence… and actually, a lot more self-orientation.
When we have so much time to think about who I am, experiment with different ways of being, and explore different subcultures, we spend a lot more time thinking about ourselves.
In tighter cultures, the reverse tends to happen. People spend a lot more time thinking about the people around them.
I remember another workshop where we were exploring purpose. One after another, individuals (mostly European) were sharing purposes that were meaningful to them. Then one participant from Saudi Arabia simply said: “Whatever people need from me. That is my purpose.”
The room went silent.
I don’t want to advocate for one type of culture over another. Tight cultures come with their own problems. But there is a lesson to be learned: to pay more attention to others. In many Western cultures, we have spent so much time thinking about ourselves that we have lost touch with the collective that surrounds us.
2. Add Value 
Yes, being authentic is important for our wellbeing. But as I’ve just established, it shouldn’t be just about us. And if authenticity is not just about us, then our authenticity should also be about the people around us.
There are many parts to you. Some parts you would never show your Grandma. Other parts work well in some situations but cause problems in others. There are even parts of yourself you have yet to discover.
Now, this might raise a concern: isn’t being selective about which parts we show just another form of masking? Isn’t that being fake?
There’s an important distinction here. Suppressing your whole self to fit in is harmful, and that’s what leads to burnout. But being thoughtful about which genuine parts of yourself to bring to a given situation is wisdom, not deception.
If you are a very talkative person, and you are sitting in the audience watching someone else speak, maybe don’t bring your talkative self to that moment.
But once the talk is over and the awkward networking begins? That’s when the talkative part of yourself becomes a strength. Approach the people who look uncomfortable, extend a warm welcome, and invite them into conversation. Use your authentic self to help put them at ease.
You have strengths. Even if you have low self-esteem, that is merely a narrative you are telling yourself, and you are selling yourself short. There are things you can do that others can’t, things you can help people with, things that come much easier to you than to others.
That is your value. Bring it to the people around you.
3. You Can Be Much More
Probably the biggest problem with the “I am who I am” approach to authenticity is how much it limits your potential.
Have you ever learnt to drive? At the time of writing, I am learning (I’m a very late starter), and it is damn hard. If you have been driving for some time, you may have forgotten how awful you were when you first started. But you learnt, you practised, and now it is a part of you. A part of you that adds value to others when you drive them around or drive to meet them.
You are not static. You are forever evolving. But the less you believe you have to evolve, the less you will evolve. You’ll tell yourself, “That’s just not me,” or “I don’t do things like that,” or “I could never…” and you’ll stop yourself from developing new capabilities that could add value to your life and others’.
You can learn new things. You can grow. You can gain capabilities that will amaze you.
Someone who believes in bringing the best of themselves will recognise when they need to do better. They know they’ll find themselves in this situation again, and they’ll wish they could handle it differently. So they set out to find a way, they learn, and they actually do better the next time around.
And if you’re fortunate enough to be in a position of power, to have the kind of authority where you could get away with the rigid approach to authenticity, you have the potential to inspire rather than irritate. By showing that someone with power still strives to do better for others, you inspire others to do the same.
Leaders should enable people, not exploit them.
Authenticity: Bringing the Best of Yourself to Each Situation
So authenticity matters, but it’s not enough on its own. The question becomes practical: how do you actually figure out which parts of yourself to bring to which situations?
This is harder than it sounds. Most of us haven’t taken the time to map out our strengths. The things we’re genuinely good at, the things that energise us, the things that come easily to us but not to others. And even when we do recognise our strengths, we rarely think strategically about how to deploy them.
This is why I created NarraWay. It’s a coaching tool designed to help you surface the strengths you already have. Not through a personality test that tells you who you are, but through your own reflection on what you bring to the table. Then it helps you think through how to apply those strengths to the specific challenges and journeys you’re facing.
Because you already have what you need. The question is whether you’re bringing the best of it to the situations that matter.
NarraWay is available as a self-guided tool, in 1:1 coaching, and as a team workshop, in-person and online. Get in touch if you’d like to discuss these options.
