How do you create a real connection in the workplace? How do you go beyond the moment of a conversation? Do you need to? Jamie explores why genuine attempts to relate can create working relationships that outlast the transaction at hand.
Why some working relationships should go beyond the transaction
A conversation you have within your organisation could be the beginning of a genuine working relationship, which must be maintained and developed if you want it to be authentic.
But this raises a question: do all relationships need to be sustained and nurtured? Of course not. And of course, some relationships do not need to outlast the transaction at hand.
The three levels of working relationships
A simple way to think of this is that our working relationships exist on three levels:
Transaction Bound
Where our interactions with this person will only happen in the context of this specific transaction (e.g. when you order coffee from a barista, or you speak to someone on the IT Support desk for help with accessing your emails, or that one time you speak to a client’s legal department to query something on the contract).
Context Bound
Where our interactions with this person may happen in multiple transactions, but all do so within specific contexts (e.g. when you’re working on a project team for a few months, or you need to have surgery for something and so have many interactions with the surgeon before and after it, or that colleague you only ever speak to at the water cooler but never see anywhere else).
Transcending Relationships
Where our interactions with this person transcend transactions and specific contexts, in other words, a genuine friendship.
When transactional isn’t enough at work
Not every relationship needs to reach the transcendent level. Most people we meet in our lives, we will only know at the transactional level, with the next big bulk at the contextual level, and that’s completely fine.
But in the workplace, whilst there are plenty of situations where the transactional level will suffice, we should generally strive to at least get to the contextual level.
This could be a colleague you’ll end up working with on another project one day, they could be your boss or you theirs, or they could be someone you need help from one day.
Why workplace relationships matter beyond the task
Career development often depends heavily on one’s network. Those who operate mostly at the transactional level risk losing opportunities later on.
The key is to read the situation and, if we sense potential for more, at least try. But also recognise that not every relationship wants or needs to progress. Some colleagues prefer to keep things professional and bounded – and that’s okay.
The skill is in reading whether the other person is open to a deeper connection and respecting their preference either way.
But if they are open to a deeper relationship, then how do we make an effort?
Working relationships: Making space for meaningful moments
We need to make room for meaningful moments. I think of these as like weaving a shared tapestry. As time goes by, we weave more and more memories on this tapestry that only we share, and it is those shared memories that strengthen and deepen our bond.
To make room for meaningful moments, either we take advantage of the ones that arise or we try to create them.
Those moments may arise naturally when, for example, we discover we have something in common, something happens that makes us both laugh, or we are suddenly presented with a challenge we must overcome together.
Or we need to make an effort to create those moments by, for example, going out to dinner together, scheduling an event, or just checking in with each other.
What do those meaningful moments look like?
There are 3 we can look out for.
Discovering Commonalities
You both support the same football team, or you used to work in the same company, or you were both on holiday in the same resort at the same time.
Sometimes conversations take a while to get going, but the moment we discover we have something quite profound in common, it’s like a spark of magic, and suddenly we feel a connection.
Relational Conversations
In many cultures around the world, it is customary for people to spend time eating, drinking and laughing together before getting down to business.
Doing so helps us start to relax around each other and enjoy our time together, which, in turn, releases oxytocin. Oxytocin basically tells our brains that this person is good to be around, which helps develop a bond.
Shared Experiences
Shared experiences, especially highly charged emotional events, can solidify lifelong bonds. Things like overcoming great odds together, surviving a disaster together, or supporting each other through great hardship.
This doesn’t mean we should seek to put each other in precarious situations, of course! Fun, good-natured activities like completing an escape room, attending a special charity event, or just working on the same project together can be enough.
Working relationships and creating connections
Working relationships don’t deepen by accident. They evolve when we pay attention to the moments that matter. When we recognise that a transaction has the potential to become something more. We then choose to make space for it.
Not every interaction needs to turn into a lasting working relationship. However, being intentional about the ones that do can make a meaningful difference to how we collaborate, create change and lead our people.
If you’re thinking about how your management and leadership teams could benefit from this insight and want to explore practical ways to strengthen working relationships, get in touch to discuss how we could help.
